As men, we live "lives of quiet desperation" according to Thoreau. So, we travel a lonely road on this fabled 'hero's journey', believing that if we just do this or become that, we will get 'there'. Early on, the road splits and we either walk feeling small and unworthy, or we inflate our egos and attempt to constantly dominate others, to avoid feeling inferior. Both ways are treacherous and at some point we have to face humiliation, for neither are we inferior nor superior, and the ultimate gift of life is to discover the love we have for ourselves, just as we are. Then, love for and connection with others will come effortlessly.

 

I hold circles for small groups of men who are interested in unschooling and learning from their own inner wisdom. This means bringing awareness to all the unhealthy conditioned beliefs about what it means to be a man - essentially, what it means to be a real human - and then listening deeply to self and others to see what wants to be expressed from our core. As men, many of us have had unhealthy male role models as we grew up and this led to some corrupted thinking and behaviours. We were often taught that it was not OK to feel. It was especially not OK to feel fear (which is at the root of every other negative emotion - I use negative loosely here, as no emotion is really negative in the sense of bad or wrong). We were also taught that the usual way to engage with other men is through competition, the comparative mind and 'power over' ideology. This expands the belief in separation and takes us further from what we really want and need - connection and authenticity.

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These circles generate a safe space to share what has been difficult to express in other relationships, to create intimate connection, and to bring us into a sense of commonality and community.